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OH THERE you are...

Sisterface was having issues with her gmail this morning (heaven forbid!) and after asking her to sign out and back in to see if her contacts would load I got an email from her that said, "I only tried refreshing the page a bajillion times - OH! there I am!" What scene popped right into my head? This one from Hook!

Another favorite scene that I may or may not quote on a regular basis is from The Sandlot. (Oh Benny the Jet I loved you.)

Is it even possible to say "forever" normally after watching that movie? I think not.


Gimme all your money

Sitting at my desk one afternoon I clearly had a lot on my mind (ie do I eat my string cheese snack now or wait another 15 minutes so I'm not starving for lunch?) when out of the corner of my eye I saw a blue uniformed man pulling a cart piled with full, secure bank bags. "Holy crap that is a lot of money," I thought to myself. My next thought was, "That dude has kind of a potbelly. I bet I could take him out but if the elevators are running slowly today (which they almost always are by the afternoon) I'd totally get busted waiting in the foyer."

By the time I had finished playing out this little tackle and run scenario the rent-a-cop had passed by my cube so I let go of my get rich quick scheme and hit print on the document I had been writing. Turning the corner to the printer I almost ran smack-dab into the chest of the rent-a-cop and my eyes were directly level with the badge that said, "Document Security." Yeah, apparently those bags were filled with papers to be securely shredded, not money.
There goes my robbery dream, up in smoke.

(Picture from Google Images)


When I was little...

When I was little my Aunt Molly used to babysit me and I always had a blast at her house. Uncle Jon and I would sit in the hammock solving all of the worlds problems while I ate peanut butter by the spoonful and drank fizzy lemonade out of my special tin cup. I wasn't the neatest eater as a child and it was Aunt Molly who discovered that plopping me in the bathtub was the safest way to let me have a popsicle. That way she could wash me up as soon as I was done and I would leave bright sugary drips all over the floor while I ate. After my bath she would wrap me up in a warm towel and tickle my arms. No, not tickle under my arms to make me laugh. She scratched my arms softly and it would inevitably put me to sleep.
Twenty years later whenever I see Aunt Molly I still sidle up to her and oh so subtly stretch my arm out to be tickled. The Boy has quickly learned that if I am ever in a bad mood (yes, sweet ole me does get cranky now and again) all he has to do is scratch my back and I melt into a dreamy puddle. Kind of like this little guy. Only not quite as cute...



Last night I decided I was going to do a somewhat serious post about civil rights protests and the possible extinction of killer whales but it is the kind of morning where my mood is wavering between tears and wanting to throw something (damn hormones) so instead I'm going to share a story of my ridiculousness.
Every week in my kindergarten class, er, graduate lecture we have two informal speakers: a reflection leader and a wrap-up leader. The reflection leader gets up at the beginning of our 5 hours together, gives a little schpeil and leads a discussion about the previous class. The wrap-up leader talks at the end of lecture and discusses the class that has just finished. (If you're thinking that we redundantly reflect twice on each class you are quite correct).
A few days ago I got an email from our TA titled "Wrap-up for class confirmation: April 22nd." Of course I did not actually read this email but I figured all relevant information was in the title, right? Wrong. In the email she said she was emailing to confirm that I was to be the reflection leader but since I didn't actually read that...whatever. She contradicted herself. It isn't my fault...
Fast forward to last night. I showed up thinking I had the next 5 hours to mentally prepare for my cute little speech. When the professor said AT THE BEGINNING OF CLASS, "Caley, are you ready to come up and lead us in a reflection," my eyes bugged out and I almost choked on the cheese and crackers someone had brought for our kindergarten class, er, graduate lecture snack.
I stuttered something about thinking I was the wrap-up leader but that I'd be MORE than happy to reflect on last week's lecture. Oh wait, did I mention that I snuck out half way through class last week? Apparently I pulled it off pretty well though because later during break approximately 17 people congratulated me and said, "That was awesome. Can you teach me how to not prepare like that?"
Let me know if you'd like to sign up for a free online seminar. Classes will be held weekly but be warned: I like to play hookey.


"I want..."

Recently I posted a quote from Saving Grace that rang true to me. "I want to be the mystery in the room..." Ah, I still love it!
Believe it or not, I've found another monologue on network TV that was beautiful, touching and is still stuck in my head days later. It is the college essay of Tyra on Friday Night Lights. I've included the text but listening to the sound bite of the character reading it herself is even more moving.

"Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can't stop wanting. I want to fly somewhere on first class. I want to travel to Europe on a business trip. I want to get invited to the White House. I want to learn about the world. I want to surprise myself. I want to be important. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself instead of having others define me. I want to win and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to grow up and be generous and big hearted, the way people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It's not that I think I'm going to get all these things, I just want the possibility of getting them. College represents possibility. The possibility that things are going to change. I can't wait."


Learn from her mistake

I have this friend. And my friend told me I need to share a warning with you; a Public Service Announcement of sorts. So here you go. A PSA. From my friend.

Sometimes after having a few glasses of wine you might find yourself sleeping somewhere other than your own bed to avoid driving under the influence (smart choice.) Here's where you need to watch out: if you wake up in the middle of the night and decide that you need to finger brush your teeth (you know, put the toothpaste on your finger and brush brush brush) because you forgot to do so before going to sleep, make sure you completely rinse the toothpaste off of your finger toothbrush before going on to remove the mascara that has smudged under your eyes. If you do not completely rinse off the toothpaste you risk it getting in your eyes and that, my friends, is not a good thing. No no no, it is not a good thing. In fact, it stings like the dickens and makes it very difficult to go back to sleep.

There you have it. You should know I'm only posting this because my friend was so adamant about sharing how painful and some might even say traumatizing toothpaste in your eye at 3am can be. I mean, at least that's what I hear anyway. My friend will feel much better now knowing that you have had the opportunity to learn from her mistake.

Picture from Google Images


My baby's famous!

I've been known to do a little shameless self promotion here on Sidenote: from time to time but this time it is Miss Ebbie that is famous! And on a dog blog no less.

Clearly she is unimpressed by all the attention. What can I say? She's a cat; she expects it!
Who's your dachshund in the middle of an amazing fundraising initiative so I encourage you to head over there, check out Ebbie's story and consider making a donation.


Careful what you grab

Grabbing the white out instead of eye drops: a pretty clear sign it might be time to organize the work "junk drawer."

(FYI, I didn't actually use the white out in my eye. I noticed before it got to that point. But still...)


Live surgery

HOLY CRAP I am so excited. For what am I excited?

Tuesday at 3:05pm we received the following email:

Good Afternoon,
Tomorrow from 2:00PM to 3:30PM there will be a broadcasted Live Surgery on the large screen in Memorial Hall. It is related to an event being held at that time. The type of surgery is unknown, but you may choose to avoid the area if this type of coverage is at all unpleasant to you.
Building Administration

Tuesday at 3:06pm I read the email and immediately started giggling. Apparently everyone in the four cubes closest to me read it at the exact same time because soon we were all laughing together. Now remember, people in my area don't even say "Bless you" when I sneeze (although I now suspect this has more to do with them wearing ear buds than any kind of personal affront) so it was quite the bonding moment.

For someone who doesn't have cable and desperately misses the Discovery channel, this is a big deal. I can't wait to sneak down and check out the action The LIVE action, no less. So. Excited.


Vay-cay pahleese

You know it might be time for a vacation when you've changed all of your passwords to things like "beach party," "margarita pitcher" and "palm trees."* I, my friends, have reached that point.

On top of my password vacation spree I noticed as I unpacked my groceries last night that most of the food I had bought was vacationy and summeresque, if food can be such things.
Cheese slices and peppered salami: perfect for backyard or poolside consumption.
Limeade juice mix: my preferred post lawn mowing drink and delicious with a little tequila (Consumer Reports says that something like 60 plus percent of homeowners who mow their own lawns are men. PSHA is what I say to that. I do my own!)
Giant grapefruits: taste like Florida and are a good substitute for perfume if you eat them as sloppily as I do

All of these things were swirling in my head last night as I painted my toenails and updated my mental countdown to California (36 days). Then, I turn my nail polish bottle over to check the name. It said, "Cabana."

Can I go on vacation yet? I'm afraid the next step will be seeing mirages at my desk...

*These aren't my actual passwords, they are LIKE my passwords. The tech department at work would throw a fit if they thought I was posting my actual passwords on Sidenote: and, really, I'm not that much of an idiot.

Picture from Google images but I wish it was my backyard...


An Easter "oops"

"So, Professor, what are your holiday plans?"

"I have grandchildren coming to my house! We're dying Easter eggs and the kids are so excited. My wife put me in charge of supplies and yesterday I got few dozen of the most beautiful eggs."

"That will be great!"

"Oh no!"

"What's wrong?"

"I just realized that I bought brown eggs."

"Looks like someone is having an egg bake for brunch."



So with all of the babies being born (another set of twins announced at the office and two other pregnancies became apparent after writing earlier this week), I was feeling out of the loop. Now slow down, I'm not ready to have a child myself but feeling the need to nurture and call something my own I'm taking another route: adoption. WAIT...again, slow down. I'm not adopting a child. Or a pet. I've already done that. The pet part, not the child part. Ok now I need to slow down... I think I'm getting confusing in my excitement to make this announcement so I'll just get right to it:

I adopted the word "boscaresque."

Now I'm sure you have several questions probably including, but not limited to, "What does 'boscaresque' mean?" "How does one adopt a word?" "What are the responsibilities of the adopter?"

SLOW DOWN, PEOPLE! How many times do I have to say it? I'll answer your (probable) questions one by one.

1) Definition: adj, picturesque; scenically wooded.
Example sentence from the dictionary: Despite northern England's industrial pollution, parts of it remain boscaresque.
Example sentence from my brain: Despite the mildewy pile of bags full of leaves that never got taken to the dump last fall because Caley was too lazy to borrow her dad's truck and then it showed so they were stuck there for a few months and have now become soggy and soppy and gross, parts of the yard at The Stanford House remain boscaresque.
2) One adopts a word by having cool friends like @skeddy77 (who adopted the word "starrify") who tell you about Then, you go to the Save the Words and select a word that speaks to your soul. It'll probably say something like "Adopt me! Love me! Take me home with you!" but sometimes the words speak quietly so listen up.
3) Once you have adopted a word like boscaresque, you must use it as often as possible when speaking, writing, signing, texting, and whatever other forms of communication you use.

Oh and you get a freakin cool certificate, too. If they drew some evergreens on it I'd even say it is boscaresque. (See that? I'm an amazing word parent.)


Need a lift?

Waiting for the elevator I slipped a heel halfway off my aching foot and balanced with just my toes barely in the shoe. The woman next to me wearing sturdy, white, orthopedic tennis shoes glanced down at my quasi-flamingo pose and smiled as the ding sounded announcing our ride's arrival. Putting her hand on the door to keep it open she motioned for me to go first. "At the end of the day," she said, "everyone needs a lift." I smiled, waiting for the elevator to start moving up and wondered if she knew she had already given me one.


Class Warning

Last week in class our professor asked at the start of lecture, as he does every week, if anyone had any announcements. It was silent as everyone looked around the room until the TA stood up in the back, unzipped her Northface and said, "I guess I can't really hide it anymore; I'm pregnant!" Everyone clapped and then she said, "Oh, with twins." The clapping increased and then she said, "I'm due on September 15th."
At this, woman a few tables over jumped up, unzipped her coat and said, "I'm pregnant and I'm due on September 15th, too!" As soon as all the laughter and clapping quieted down our guest speaker stood up, shook his head and said, "Professor Gary, what are you teaching in this class?"
"Leadership for the Common Good" should probably put something on its warning label; CAUTION: side effects may include pregnancy.


From Mother Mary to Jerry Springer

It is Friday. Know what that means? It means I get to do a cop-out post where I use my friends' funniness to avoid writing! WHOOHOO!

Me: I don't really like the name Mary or Marie or Maria.
Sister: I'm going to tell Jesus that you don't like his mommy's name
Sister: and you won't get an Easter basket
Sister: and then I'll tell Maria who works for the sheriff's department and she'll arrest you when you come out to California for Memorial Day weekend
Sister: but that would be ok because I could talk her into putting you under house arrest
Sister: and you'd HAVE to stay at my house since you don't live here
Sister: and then you'd have to see me every single day! MUUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Sister: omg - did I just take that way too far!??!

Me: Omg, news headline: "A Teacher Accused of Teaching Class Drunk"
Justina: hahahahahaha
Justina: i want to be in that class
me: we could have taught that class
Justina: cha-ya

Me: so the model on la senza?
Sister: yeah?
Me: would like her hair and her body please
Me: and maybe the tank she is modeling, too
Sister: that almost made me want to put down the hershey's kiss I was eating for breakfast
Sister: but I didn't

Me: How was the live taping?
Lettie: AMAZING!
Me: I love that you loved jerry springer.
Lettie: Well anytime you get to chant "Toothless whore" is usually an amusing time


Miss Sue from Alabama

On first Halloween at The Stanford House I was thrilled to find I lived in a neighborhood where kids actually still went trick-or-treating. Where I grew up, everyone went to the street behind ours where the houses were closer together and there were actually street lights. So, needless to say, it was hard to tell who was more excited about the handing out of candy: the kids or me. One little girl, dressed as The Cat in the Hat, freaked out (in a good way) when she saw Ebbie tucked under my arm. "BOO! Boo cat! It's a boo cat!" And, from that day forward, "Boo" was added to the list of nicknames my little black (and white) cat has had to deal with.

For some reason this morning when I tried to call her "Boo" it came out more like "Beau" (I blame the ridiculous amount of murder/cop/detective shows I've been watching lately for keeping me up at night dissecting every single sound for a possible intruder). As soon as I said it the "Miss Sue" chant from grade school popped into my head and I have NOT been able to shake it. Did anyone else do that one? With the hand slapping and clapping and actions? After surfing youtube this is the closest I could come to my memory of recess but they do it a little differently than we did...

Our rhyme went like this...
MISS SUE. Miss Sue. Miss Sue from Alabaaaaaaaaama. Sittin in a rocker eatin Betty Crocker, this is what she told us. Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to HELLo operator, please give me number nine. And if you disconnect us, we'll chop off your BEHIND the 'fridgerator, there was a piece of glass. Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her little ASSk me no more questions, tell me no more lies. The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their FLIES are in the meadow, the bees are in the park. Miss Susie and her boyfriend, are kissing in the dark, dark, dark dark dark, dark.

It must have been the whole Catholic school thing that made ours so naughty and scandalous (or maybe that's just what made it seem that way at the time?) Either way...the memories.
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